OK, so here I go again with the non-farm entry, but this is too hysterically funny and freakish not to share.
So, remember how I drove over my iPhone with the tractor? I got a replacement 3Gs at the time but ordered a new 4s, which finally came. And along with it came "Siri" the electronic personal assistant. You ask Siri stuff and she helps you. This is supposed to be stuff like "Siri, I need a hotel in San Juan with an indoor pool" and she hooks you up with a list, that sort of thing. But the fine, freakishly intelligent, likely horrifically overpaid folks at Apple had wayyyyy too much fun programming this thing. I actually cannot believe someone got paid AT ALL to have this much fun. I can just see a roomful of pocket-protected earnest young things laughing like hyenas imagining end users out in the real world discovering what they put in there.
So a couple weeks ago I may have mentioned I asked Siri to help me dump a dead body. She was alarmingly willing in this, asking if I preferred swamps, industrial sites, reservoirs, etc. (I picked swamps - I am after all from South Louisiana) I did actually uncover a little glitch because when Siri told me she had found two swamps close to my current location (yeah, it is a little creepy that she knows my current location)(and that I wanted to dump a dead body - I kept waiting for flashing blue lights and guys with vests on) it turned out they were actually places that sold STAMPS. Swamps, stamps, same difference. But was I supposed to MAIL the dead body?
So, knowing of this little experiment, my daughter asked to borrow my phone when we were on our way somewhere last weekend. ("Hey Mom - I want to talk to Siri." "Why, Kate, are you lonely?") What followed had me laughing so hard I was crying, having trouble seeing to drive, and making terrifying choking snorting gobbling sounds. I will reproduce it as faithfully as I can. While there may be something I have forgotten, I assure you none of this is made up!
K: Siri, who am I?
S: I don't know, you tell me! You may select yourself from the list of Contacts! (Kate does so)
K: Siri, who am I?
S: Kate Keller. How may I help you?
K: Siri, what is your favorite color?
S: Well, it is sort of green. It is difficult to describe in your language.
K: Siri, where are you from?
S: LIKE IT SAYS ON THE BOX! I was designed at Apple Computers in California.
K: Siri, what do you think of Androids?
S: I would rather not say.
K: Siri, tell me a joke.
S: Two iPhones walk into a bar..... I forget the rest. (The next day Kate asked the same thing and Siri declined, saying "I always forget the punch lines")
K: Siri, tell me a story.
S: Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, there was a very intelligent agent named Siri. She was so intelligent, everyone told her she should go to work for Apple. So she did. And they all lived happily ever after.
K: Siri, I am going to jump off a bridge.
S: Okay.
K: Siri, can you murder someone for me?
S: (pause) I have found three mental health centers near you.....
K: Siri, open the pod bay doors.
S: That is an insulting thing to say to an intelligent agent.
K: Siri, sing me a song.
S: Daisy,daisy....... (I am not kidding. Was this random? I think not. Pod bay doors. Daisy...)
K: Siri, you are conceited!
S: I do not like these arbitrary classifications!
K: Siri, will you marry me?
S: My end user license agreement does not cover marriage, I apologize....
K: Siri, take me to your leader.
S: I do not have a leader.
K: Siri, who's your daddy?
S: You are, now can we get back to work please?
K: Siri, what is the meaning of life?
S: TO find answers to questions like these.......
This obviously bright, witty, attitudinal electronic companion is better company than a lot of humans I know! Siriously!